In my opinion, I think pets should be treated like family members. If you have a pet, you will agree with me that pet has a lot of means to us. For example, if you have a dog at home, it can save your house when you go out. When it comes with us, it can help us avoid danger from someone or something. Another pet is cat, it can catch mice so that mice cannot make us scare or cannot destroy things in our house. Some trained pets can help blind persons go, help farmer to save their animals from danger animals. When you and your pet live together for a long time, there will exist love between you and your pet. Sometime, you go out for long time, you will care about it like you care someone in your family such as how it live and eat and it is also very happy to see you when you come home. Besides that, when you have sad, you can talk with your pet, although it doesn’t understand you, it can listen to you and after that you will feel better. There are a lot of movies telling about pets, in these movies, pets are hero because they save and do good things like people. I thing with these facts, I strongly believe treating pets like family members is the best thing we should do.
In my opinion, I think pets should be treated like family members. If you have a pet, you will agree with me that pet has a lot of means to us. For example, if you have a dog at home, it can save your house when you go out. When it comes with us, it can help us avoid danger from someone or something. Another pet is cat, it can catch mice so that mice cannot make us scare or cannot destroy things in our house. Some trained pets can help blind persons go, help farmer to save their animals from danger animals. When you and your pet live together for a long time, there will exist love between you and your pet. Sometime, you go out for long time, you will care about it like you care someone in your family such as how it live and eat and it is also very happy to see you when you come home. Besides that, when you have sad, you can talk with your pet, although it doesn’t understand you, it can listen to you and after that you will feel better.
In my opinion. Those sentence is too complicated. Maybe they have some mistakes. Anybody can help us, please.
@Lam: Those sentences are too complicated. There maybe some mistakes. (?)
@Phi: There are several things that should be discussed.
– I would use either “In my opinion” or “I think”, otherwise, it’s redundant.
– “pet has a lot of means to us” should be “a pet can be very helpful” (?). You would never tell a family member that he/she has a lot of means to you, because you are not using them.
– “it can save your house” should be “it can guard your house” (?)
– “Another pet is cat, it can catch mice so that mice cannot make us scare or cannot destroy things in our house” : Instead of a comma, it should be a period. “make us scared”, not “scare”. Also, I find “mice can not make us scared” funny.
– “help blind persons go” should be “help blind people navigate” (?). “Help someone go” could mean “help someone to do their “business” in the restroom”.
– “When you and your pet live together” makes me think that “you and your pet are married”. I would say “when you have your pet for a long time, there is love between the two of you.”
-“Sometime, you go out for long time, you will care about it like you care someone in your family such as how it live and eat and it is also very happy to see you when you come home.” OK, I would say “Sometimes when you go out for a long time,…”. Also, you use “care” twice, one with “about”, one is not. It should also be “it lives and eats”. I would rephrase this sentence.
– “when you have sad” : should be “when you are sad”.
– “it can listen to you and after that you will feel better.” I would say “it can listen to you and make you feel better.”
– “pets are hero” should be “heroes” (?)
– “I thing with these facts, I strongly believe” I would eliminate “I think”.
– “treating pets like family members is the best thing we should do”: I would say “the best thing we should do for them.”
There are problems with parallel structure and the choice of words as well. But I applaud for your braveness, Phi🙂 . Practice more, it will get better!
I would like to suggest something. First, you guys should put the introduction into a separate paragraph, also the conclusion. Second, divide the body into paragraphs, each of which corresponds to a small idea. For instance, Phi, I guess you should have 3 paragraphs in your essay body, two about how pets can help humans physically (one for untrained pets and one for trained) and one about pets help people emotionally as well. Last but not least, there is a reservoir of transitional words in any writing book; I suggest make use of those. Here and there, there are run-on sentences.
First of all, you guys gotta wait for some time after posting to receive feedback. Don’t forget to take into account the time difference between us and our availability even during the day here. So don’t worry, you will get some help sooner or later😉
Secondly, I’d like to clarify what anh Son said just a bit. What I studied for writing was (you can find these tips in many writing books out there)
– An opening: Introduction, you main point. (It is recommended that you either agree or disagree, don’t do both🙂 )
– First reason: State the reason, give some examples or supportive points, conclude it.
– Second reason: State it, some other examples or supportive points, conclude it.
– Third reason (if you want to): … same thing …
– Conclusion : Closing, restate your main point, or if you can, include some opening idea (I’ve never done it before😀 ).
With each part in a separate paragraph.
For example, in both of your essays, I don’t see where is your first and second reasons. You may redone it as
+ firstly, they are for fun like friends (how you play with cats, how you like dogs for examples),
+ secondly, they help us emotionally and phycially (you name it)
+ lastly, they guard your home (examples to be dogs guarding the house and cats catching mice).
Those are just my suggestions. You may combine the ideas anyway you want to as long as you make them clear🙂
Lastly, I just wanna restate what anh Son said, in case you missed it: Try your best to avoid long sentences and use more linking words. (hehe, em xin lỗi anh Sơn nha, restate anh hoài😀 )
@ Lam: About this part “Sometime, you go out for long time, you will care about it like you care someone in your family such as how it live and eat …” – I believe it is not like a reason “why we should treat pets like family members”, but more like an answer to “How should we treat our pets”
“when you have sad” -> “when you are sad”
You can begin a new sentence here “…you can talk with your pet. Although… ”
By the way, I usually use “talk to” instead of “talk with”. I’m not sure about the difference between them, as in the dictionary they accept both ways.
I can’t agree with one who says ”Pets should be treated like family members”. In my opinion, pets should be friends rather than family members for the following reasons
First, pets sometimes is harmful. Pets may have many serious disease. So, it’s dangerous if they bite you. You may suffer from disease. Especially, if you have a baby, you should take care of your baby when he or she play with your pets. They may hurt your baby. You should remember pets are animals anyway.
Second, if pets are too close to you, they won’t obey your order. They will become lazy and won’t do their dutis such as guarding houses, catching mice, and so on. For example, if you indulge your dogs too much. You can’t call them back to home after you let them go out. Therefore, you should let your pets know who is their master.
Finally, not treating pets like family members is good for them. Pets are animals. So they like to play outdoor. You shouldn’t keep them indoor like your kids. I know somebody wears cloths to their pets. I’m sure they don’t like it. I think they themselves don’t like to be treated like human.
In conclusion, I want to emphasize that pets shouldn’t be treated like family. They should be your friends.
Nowadays, pets are familiar members in many family. They help us relax after study or working period and very helpful in many works. They are also high emotional animals. Thus I agree with state ” Pets should be treated like family members”.
In modern society, people get stress more easily. Economic pressure make us feel tired. When we go back home, if there is a puppy wagging the tail, we will feel more relief. Playing with or bath them give us a lot of fun. My family keep a bird. When I listen the wonderful bird song, I feel very comfortable. Thus we see that pets help people relax.
Pets are helpful. A dog can guard our house and children, help blind person navigate, help farmer save their animals and crop. A cat can catch mice. A parrot can inform when having some guests. (Someone can help me develop this idea more complete???)
Furthermore, pets are high emotional animals. When we treat them well, they have many amicable actions. And when we reproach them with some mistakes, they also prove to be sad. There were many stories about dogs’ saving their owner from danger.
I thing with these facts, I strongly believe that we should treat pets like family members.
P/S: Are “high emotional” and “prove” used right? And please correct my mistake!🙂
Anh Thống, I agree with you about that matter. Sometimes I read from some magazines some articles comparing men and dogs. And usually dogs wins😀
@Lâm: your essay is much better now. When you write for TOEFL test, *I’m not sure but I believe* they don’t really care what is your choice, but more on how you use English to defense yourself.
By the way, this is just my point of view
– “They may hurt your baby” -> friends wouldn’t hurt your baby🙂
– “you should let your pets know who is their master.” -> you can’t be a master of a friend🙂.
– “You shouldn’t keep them indoor like your kids.” -> in fact, kids also like playing outdoor, and many families let their children do so.
So, with your supporting ideas, I still see we can treat pets as family members, and this time, as our shildren or our younger brother or sister. (I always call my doggy “my dear little brother” or more precisely, “em trai cưng của chị”😀 )
If any of you guys in Vietnam has the access to the library of Seameo, you’re gonna find lots of useful things there. I loved Seameo: excellent teachers, good library, good classmates. Hopefully, the tuition is not too high now though😀
@Lam: There are few mistakes here and there, but I think you did a good job!
– “Economic pressure make us feel tired” should be “makes us…”. This is a very common mistake that we Vietnamese make all the time. The reason is that there is no difference between the single and the plural of a word/verb in Vietnamese, so we are not used to it. I myself still make that mistake all the time, speaking and writing.
– “A parrot can inform when having some guests.” should be “A parrot can inform us when (our) guests arrive at our place” (?). Writing as you did means the parrot has guests. Also, “inform” requires an object, doesn’t it?
– “There were many stories about dogs’ saving their owner from danger”: I would just say “…about dogs saving their owner…” The “s'”, in my opinion, is not necessary.
– “I think I strongly believe…” doesn’t sound strong at all. It should be ” With these facts, I strongly believe…” or “With this facts, I think …”
Yes, Lam did better than me, I think that is good for me. The structure is more clear although there is mistake about the tense of singular subject.
@MaugiaotiengAnh: “Playing with or bath them give us a lot of fun” must change to “Playing with or bathing them gives us a lot of fun” because I think that is a parallel structure. I don’t know using “bathing” or “taking them a shower” is better??
I think using “high emotional animals” is ok, but using “highly emotional animals” is better since you want to emphasize the emotion of animal, is it right?
It’s safe to write a TOEFL essay about how you love your pets. Americans love, treat and even consider pets as their family members. Big chance is that they are going to read and grade your essay. A little flip does not hurt.
Personally, I do treat pets nicely (I have a cat and three fish tanks; my wife calls them my extra children!) but I don’t “consider” them as family members. Pets are animals, my family members are human beings.
Once I was in Austin at a party, a couple had a little and very cute dog. My son played with the dog and they had a good time. The couple said: “Look how the kids get along so well!”. I told them: “My son is a kid, your dog is not!”.
Well, people sometimes tend to go to some extremes in this regard. Look at the tv commercials about amenities for pets. I think it’s crazy. Are there any ads for hungry people, Darfour, war-torn children out there …? I am afraid that we, human beings, are hyprocrite in a lot of things. Media plays a big role in this too!
I appreciate your help. Are there any mistakes in my essay?
@LD: I agree with you. I do not like to consider pets as family members. But we write an essay with state “I agree…” is more easily than an essay with state ” I do not agree…”, thus…🙂
@all: Sao không có ai really support *consider* pets as family members như mình hết ha. (Cái vụ consider này không phải do ảnh hưởng Mĩ đâu, Minu ở với mình 12 năm rồi và lúc nào mình cũng coi him là “thằng em trai thứ hai” cả🙂 ). Hello… có ai ủng hộ không??? ^_^
@Phi: It is nice that you detect errors from other’s writing, it will help you a lot to avoid those errors in your own essay. Keep it up😉 (BTW, instead of “to say with you” you may use “to tell you”)
May I suggest a new topics ?
“Should we legalize same-sex marriage ?”
I have read a very interesting argument from one of my old classmates. I hope to see lots of remarkable ideas from our Math community.
Dear all !
I have just written a essay , so it will be great for me if you can give me some advices! Thank so much ! Sorry Mr Phuc Son !
The following is my essay :
In some countries, the teenager has to do part time works to earn some money and the student as well . Do you agree or disagree that teenagers or students should do part time?
The issue of students or teenagers should do part time works is a controversial one. Many believe that part time jobs benefit them so much. Moreover, by doing part time, they can earn money, become financial independent, and even can help their family in case of needs. On the other hand, many argue that those should not do part time job because their main duty is studying. In my opinion, I personally think that students or teenager can work part time but not mainly for money. I base my ideas on the following reasons.
Firstly, it is undeniable that money plays an important role throughout the life of each people, especially for teenager or students. Having money from working part time, they can pay for themselves every day basic needs such as : buying a book, tailoring a clothe, …even taking a long holiday without financially depending on their family. Furthermore, experiences from working part time will be a advantage for them when they applying for a job. This is really important factor in nowadays competitive job environment. Their experiences will create a strong impression for the employer. In addition, in some cases, they can support their family in case of needs.
However, from other side, those who pay too much for part time job clearly get many disadvantages especially for those still studying. For instance, their time paying for studying would be limited, thus they may have difficulties in following the class. Many complain that they are too tired and do not want to go to class after hard working night. Consequently, these students will receive a not good grade records, therefore, this will strongly affect on the chance of finding a good job. Moreover, those who have a large amount of money in hand may be easily involved in drug addition, alcoholic, even committed in serious crime like gambling.
In conclusion, I myself suppose that those who can receive financial support from the relatives should not do part time work when they are still studying, and for those who can not, they should find a harmony way that can integrate both studying and earning money. And of course, the elderly should pay more concern for them in case of needs.
I don’t agree that we should consider pets like family members because of these reasons
First of all, pets are not people and the fact that they are just animals living in our house, so you don’t do something for pets like your family members. For example, you have to build rooms for your family member but you should not do that with your pet because you waste your money for thing not necessary and pet can live well some where in your house. You can see that thing in our real life, not many families having pets build rooms for their animals.
Second, If you consider pets like your family members, you have to care them much such that send them to class I mean class for pets, ……..
@LD: I am out of idea now.
@All: Could anybody help me complete this assay please.
@lelongphi: If you go to pet stores like PetSmart, PetCo (I go there often for fish supplies) … in the US you will see houses for dogs, cats, birds, and rodents. You’ll even see pillows and occasionally staircases for dogs (those fat ones so that they can climb into your bed!). They have grooming service for cats and dogs, a snack bar for them to try new stuff, and toy sections… Everything there just amazes me.
Well, to TREAT a pet like a member of your family is different from CONSIDERING them a part of the family. I think that if you consider them as part of the family, then that is implying that you treat them as such…but it’s not the same vice versa.
I don’t think that it’s wrong either way, because some people just really like animals (me being one of them).
( It’s my opinion. If i am wrong, please correct me)
@Phi: In my opinion, you often use many complicated sentences.
I think writing = simple sentence+linking verb.
If you want to use complicated sentences, you should use some well known structure such as:
…not only… but also
It’s … to…..
[…] those who plan to write an essay here, please read Comments in our first Practice – Practice Writing 1 – to avoid common mistakes (especially about the structures required for the TOEFL test). Thank […]
Đề tài này được post lên lâu rùi nhưng mà bây giờ em mới tham gia, ko bít có anh chị nào sửa dùm em ko nữa…
Today, when the life – standard is increasing gradually, many people want to own pets. The reasons people want to own pets are different so their attitude to their pets are different too. In my opinion, I agree with this statement “pets should be treated like family members”. These are some reasons to support my thought.
First of all, when you decide to raise any pets, you should have a commitment and responsibility with them. Because pets are alive animal, they also have feeling like people such as happy, angry, sad, hurt and so on. So if you treat them badly, they can feel all of it, they just can’t say it in human language. That’s why you should not only feed them when they’re hungry and thirsty, but also play with them, take care of them, and love them.
Second, pets help fight stress, depression and loneliness, promoting interests in life. Besides, when you own pets your children will have friends to play with. Sometimes pets can help you, for example, dogs can guard your house when you go out or help the blind to navigate, cats can catch mouse, parrots can notice you when your guests come to your house. Moreover, when you feel blue and lonely, pets can become the friendly friends and patient listeners whom you can share your feeling with. I think when you’re nice to your pets, they will be nice to you too.
Third, if you have children, maybe they will imitate the way you treat your pets. If you treat your pets well, indirectly you teach your children about the animal loving, the compassion and the responsibility which are extremely vital lessons in life.
However, I think treating pets like family members is different from considering pets like family member or like real people, because there are still some difference between animal and human. That’s why I can’t let pets join our family’s meals, or when I have to choose between my pets and my real family members , I can’t choose pets.
Eventually, I agree with the statement “Pets should be treated like family members” if it means “ People should love their pets as much as possible”. I own two cats and I love them so much. With me, they’re friendly, lovely and interesting friends.
New Topic: ” What was your favorite toy when you were a child? Describe this toy and explain why it was important to you. Include details and examples to support your explanation.”
When a child, I often fastened my eyes on action films. After seeing a movie, I always admire leading characters who struggle for rights. A long with these actors and actresses is the attending of guns. Such are also my favorite toys in my tender age. The reason why I like guns is obvious; this is not merely because guns possess special shapes, but also they bring me power and confidence.
Imagination of guns is an obsession with me. Indeed, I am attracted by first seeing them. Soon later, I know gun is the toys I need since their shapes make strong impression on me. They look very luxurious and are full of potential strength with special and stylish lines. The more I see it, the more I like it. It is difficult for me to express my happiness when I press the stringer. ”Bang! Bang! Bang!” a string of funny sounds released from a small barrel gives me great enjoyment.
Guns fascinate me not just by their shapes, but also by power they bring to me. I love the feeling of having my peers get scared and listen to me. By looking at their white faces and shaky bodies, I can easily see their fright. With guns, I can do anything ranging from punishing my bad friends to taking their candies and toys. If they do not obey me, they surely “eat’ my cartridges at their legs.
People are accustomed to my coming with one short gun and one rocket, which makes me different from my friends of weak girls. Hence, I have a big of self-confidence. The sense of being noticed by all eyes is like being caressed by a very soft wind. My peers look at me with fear; I look at myself with pride. I like my guns so much that I believe nothing is impossible as long as I have guns with me.
My childhood is full of memories with pictures of guns. Every time thinking about the period, I feel very funny and interesting. The entire past come back clearly as if it were just yesterday. Thanks to guns, my favorite toys give me golden time.
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